Ladies! Ladies! Ladies! These ladies we have nowadays can be very notorious and dangerous. So yesterday i went to a certain supermarket and i was amazed  i was sad i did not find what i was looking for but i ended my day happy but full of shock and fear for ladies.
So this two ladies,”beautiful ones” for that matter enter the supermarket just like any normal customers and start shopping. No one could recognize their true intentions but thanks to the CCTV cameras installed, a whole new side of them was discovered. The footage from the cameras showed how they entered the supermarket, went round the supermarket twice or thrice (this was probably for reconnaissance)  and then went for their target. The target this time was 2kg packets of rice. They did it with so much professionalism that customers and supermarket staff would not notice. The two ladies had picked the rice and placed it between their legs under their long dresses…WOW this ladies were just hilarious! when they were caught, they would not run since they would drop the rice so they started pleading with the security officials saying they had no choice. i will let the picture say the rest since i’m still in shock.


ladies please use your bodies for the right purposes because this would be way more than embarrassing for you.


ladies and guys inboxes

Have you ever wondered of the man differences between a lady’s inbox and the guy’s? well they are several of them and you will be impressed of them. Here are a few:

A lady’s inbox:

1. BRIGHT-hello gal i have being trying ur number but its not goin through, i just want to let u know that i love u.

2. DAVE-Just give me a chance i promise i wont fail u pls.

3. COLLINS-I will be going to rave, do u mind to join me?

4. ALHAJI-Send me ur account number.

5. CHIEF-I will love 2 see u again i really enjoyed last nyt.

6. CHRIS-Please don’t do this to me just let me kiss u just once.

A guy’s inbox:

1. CHICHI, sister-Please send me money 4 my exams its just ksh.18000.

2. BLESSING-Don’t call this number again.

3. LANDLORD-Pay ur rent b4 weekend because you are late or u will be thrown out of the house after the week.

4. MOTHER-My son our money 4 eating is almost finished please send some more or we die of hunger.

5. Neighbor’s daughter-I missed my period last week.

6. FATHER-I’m in d hospital now, i need money 4 kidney operation, ksh.120000 is needed, bring it b4 tomorrow or u can keep the money 4 my burial.

I know you have experienced this once a few times..its reality guys and it happens every second in life.

kenyan political application form…

We all know that most of kenya’s political games are dirty. Some politicians really do have good reasons for vying but others don’t…here is a sample application form for politicians…

1. Name of Candidate: _______________________

2. Present Address
(i) Name of Jail: _______________________
(ii) Cell Number: _______________________

3. Political Party: _______________________ (List ONLY the Last Five parties in the Chronological (Order)

4. Sex: [ ]
A – Male
B – Female
C – None of the Above

5. Nationality: [ ]

6. Reasons for leaving last party (circle one or more)
A – Defected
B – Expelled
C – Bought out
D – None of above
E – All of above

7. Reasons for contesting elections (circle one or more)
A – To make money
B – To escape court trial
C – To grossly misuse power
D – To serve the public
E – I have no clue (if you choose “D, attach Certificate of Sanity from a Recognized Government Psychiatrist)

8. How many years of public service experience do you possess?
A – 1-2yrs
B – 2-6yrs
C – 6-15yrs
D – 15+yrs

9. Give details of any criminal cases pending against you (Use as many Additional Sheets as you want) 

10. How many years have you spent in Jail? [ ] (Do not confuse with question 8)
A – 1-2 years
B – 2-6 years
C – 6-15 years
D – 15+years

11. Are you involved in any financial scams? [ ]
A – Why not
B – Of Course
C – Definitely
D – I deny it all
E – I see a foreign hand.

12. What is your Annual Corruption Income? [ ]

A-100-500  Millions                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        B – 500-1000 Millions                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     C – Overflow… (Convert all your $ earning to Shillings)

13. Do you have any developmental plans for Kenya in mind? [ ]
A – No
B – No
C – No
D – No

14. Describe your achievements in space provided: [ ] 

Thumb Impression of candidate (Not that of the person who filled the form)

do the math from a politician’s perspective..

A Kenyan politician went to the US to visit his counterpart. When the

senator invited him home for dinner, the minister was very impressed

by the lavish mansion, grounds and the costly furnishings. He asked

“How can you afford all this on a meagre senator’s salary?”

The senator smiled knowingly and took him to the window.

“Can you see the river?”


“Can you see the bridge over it?”

“Of course”, said the minister.

“10 percent”, said the senator smugly.

Sometime later, he had occasion to pay a return visit. The Kenyan

minister lavished all hospitality on him. When they came to his

house, the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had

built, glittering with precious art, hundreds of servants etc. etc.

“How can you possibly afford this, on a salary in Shillings?” he asked.

The minister called him to the window.

“See the river over there?”

“Sure”, cried the senator.

“Can you see the bridge over it?”

The senator looked, was confused, peered closely and said –

“No, I don’t see any bridge.”

“100 percent”, said the minister



The dating game has grown more and more from the 80s to where we are now..if the people back in them days had some tips you have now i guarantee you the world today would have been a different to avoid some of those mistakes from happening again, here are a few to get you through a first date without messing it up…

Mistake 1: You announce your intention to seduce her.

Here’s a very dumb thing that you may be tempted to do: tell your date that you have a seduction book, are studying it, and intend to use the techniques on her! You may think no one would be this dumb, but we’ve known plenty of men who’ve done it. Needless to say, she won’t want to kiss you after that. Don’t tell her you are seducing her.

Mistake 2: You offend her by saying or doing something stupid.

There’s no shortage of ways to offend a woman you are on a date with. A Cosmopolitan magazine article gives a few examples of stupid things men have said or done on first dates:

  • The man who asked his date, “Why is it that all the good women are taken?”
  • The man who said, “I’m so intrigued by the mind of a serial killer. The rage and passion he must feel while actually killing someone is fascinating to me.”
  • The man who felt compelled to admit that, “When I have sex with a woman, I always have to imagine I’m with someone else.”
  • The man who said about marriage, “I’m not a big fan of the institution myself.”
  • The man who said about his ex-girlfriend, “Some people just need hitting.”

You can also alienate a woman by discussing your love of pornography, commenting on other women’s bodies, or taking a position on a political or gender issue that she profoundly disagrees with.

You can further offend her by lighting a cigar (unless she lights one first), or having a prolonged scratching session in your pants or under your arm.

If you do something that offends her deeply, back off at once, apologize briefly if you think it will help, and go on with the date as if nothing happened. Sadly, you often won’t know if you’ve offended her. She won’t tell you; she’ll simply write you off, and get away from you as quickly as she can. She certainly won’t kiss you.

Mistake 3: You approach the kiss as though it was a business transaction.

This is a common problem for men who want to get to the bottom line, and “get down to business.” You may have this problem if you are used to the business world, or are just very practical.

Men who fall into this trap have a harder time than others accepting that they must go out of their way to make a woman feel special. They see all the work involved as false, manipulative, and dishonest. They don’t like it one bit, and seem set on proving us wrong.

Sadly for them, we aren’t wrong, and when the practical-minded man approaches a woman for a kiss, she inevitably ends up rejecting him. She tells him that he seems too “cold and calculating,” which he is. Remember this: you want to be warm and kind, not cold and calculating. This is achieved by being romantic, doing the little things, and following the guidelines laid out in this book.

Mistake 4: You are indecisive.

When you decide to go for the kiss, go for it! Whatever method you use, this is the time when he who hesitates is lost. Women want a strong, decisive man, and that is never more evident than on the first kiss.

This does not mean that you become overly forceful, or that you ignore her if she protests. If she doesn’t want to be kissed, of course don’t kiss her. But you shouldn’t weasel around about it. If you’ve done the pre-work, and she’s passed the tests, go for it!

Mistake 5: You act like she is doing you a favor by kissing you.

When Pete eventually gets that first kiss, he thanks his date! This is a mistake. You can say, “That was very nice,” but don’t act like she’s doing you a favor that is any bigger than the one you are doing her.

Mistake 6: You get flustered by minor problems on the date, and give up.

Giving up is almost always worse for the seduction than any mistake you made. Men often get flustered if a conversation doesn’t go well, if she becomes offended, or if she seems suspicious of your romantic questions.

Remember, she’s either going to respond to you, or she isn’t. It doesn’t mean anything about you. If you get flustered, you can often pretend nothing happened, and move on. She may be looking to you for verification that the date is still okay, even if there was an awkward moment or odd exchange. If you don’t give up, she’ll see that things are fine, and probably relax.

Mistake 7: You push too hard, too quickly.

Every seduction has its own pace. You can destroy the effectiveness of any of the technology in this book by doing it too hard, too fast, and too inexpertly. We know this may be hard to hear, coming as it does after hundreds of pages telling you how important it is that you take action in the seduction, but it’s still true. You must take action, and you must also move at her pace.

Practically speaking, you must learn to pay attention to her responses. If she is consistently resistive and unresponsive, you may be scaring her, making her angry by pushing too hard, too quickly. Slow down and back off a bit.

If she says that you are coming on too strong, don’t worry. It’s great that she gave you the feedback. Remember that she’s not necessarily telling you to stop seducing her, she’s probably just telling you to slow down.

Just say something like, “Am I coming on too strong? Sorry,” and compliment her. “It’s just that you seem like a great woman. I’ll slow things down.” By saying this type of thing, you’ve shown her that you were only moving so fast because she’s so great. By reassuring her that you will slow down, you also acknowledge that you are seducing her, and will continue. If she accepts this the entire interaction will move the seduction forward.

Mistake 8: You surprise her by trying to kiss her “out of the blue.”

Women like subtly. They don’t like aggressive surprises that seem to come out of nowhere. Your first kiss should be the culmination of a long sequence of demonstrations of your sensitivity to her. If your kiss surprises her and seems “out of the blue,” she’ll conclude you are insensitive and not desire you.

The solution is to distinguish between your desire and romantic-feeling moments, which will come and go. Make sure you kiss her in a romantic moment, not just because you are horny. Using the “announce” method will give her at least a few moments to prepare herself for kissing you.

Mistake 9: You ram your tongue into her mouth.

Many women have told us about men who wrecked kisses they would have succeeded with, by tongue-kissing too hard, too soon. The first kiss is a gentle peck, not a long French kiss. The gentle kiss acts as a prelude to a longer, more intense one. After Bruce first kissed Wendy, she said, “That was the most gentle kiss I’ve ever had.” That’s the kind of response you also want.

Mistake 10: You taste like garlic, have bad breath, or taste bad.

It’s no use doing all the pre-work, passing all the tests, and really establishing a connection with a woman if you are just going to ruin it by having bad breath or tasting bad. A huge number of women have told us that men have gone to kiss them, and they were disgusted by bad breath. You must not let this happen to you.

The solution is to make good breath a priority on a date. But — this is important — never squirt a breath spray into your mouth in front of a woman. For reasons we don’t understand, women find this a total turn-off. If you have to secretly bring a toothbrush and toothpaste to the date, and excuse yourself to use them after dinner, do so (though don’t tell her you brought them). Most of the time, using some kind of breath-freshener, gums, or breath mint, will suffice.

never go complaining to your HR about a promotion..

After 2 Years Of Selfless Service, A Man Realized That He Has Not Been Promoted, No Transfer, No Salary Increase No Commendation And That The Company Is Not Doing Any Thing About It. So He Decided To Walk Up To His HR Manager One Morning And After Exchanging Greetings, He Told His HR Manager His Observation. The Boss Looked At Him, Laughed And Asked Him To Sit Down Saying. My Friend, You Have Not Worked Here For Even One Day.

The Man Was Surprised To Hear This, But The Manager Went On To Explain.

Manager:- How Many Days Are There In A Year?
Man:- 365 Days And Some Times 366

Manager:- How Many Hours Make Up A Day?
Man:- 24 Hours

Manager:- How Long Do You Work In A Day?
Man:- 8am To 4pm. I.E. 8 Hours A Day.

Manager:- So, What Fraction Of The Day Do You Work In Hours?
Man:- (He Did Some Arithmetic And Said 8/24 Hours I.E. 1/3(One Third)

Manager:- That Is Nice Of You! What Is One-Third Of 366 Days?
Man:- 122 (1/3×366 = 122 In Days)

Manager:- Do You Come To Work On Weekends?
Man:- No Sir

Manager:- How Many Days Are There In A Year That Are Weekends?
Man:- 52 Saturdays And 52 Sundays Equals To 104 Days

Manager:- Thanks For That.. If You Remove 104 Days From 122 Days,
How Many Days Do You Now Have?
Man:- 18 Days.

Manager:- OK! I Do Give You 2 Weeks Sick Leave Every Year.
Now Remove That14 Days From The 18 Days Left.
How Many Days Do You Have Remaining?
Man:- 4 Days

Manager:- Do You Work On New Year Day?
Man:- No Sir!

Manager:- Do You Come To Work On Workers Day?
Man:- No Sir!

Manager:- So How Many Days Are Left?
Man:- 2 Days Sir!

Manager:- Do You Come To Work On The (National Holiday )?
Man:- No Sir!

Manager:- So How Many Days Are Left?
Man:- 1 Day Sir!

Manager:- Do You Work On Christmas Day?
Man:- No Sir!

Manager:- So How Many Days Are Left?
Man:- None Sir!

Manager:- So, What Are You Claiming?
Man:- I Have Understood, Sir.
I Did Not Realise That I Was Stealing Company Money All These Days.

lesson learnt: keep your issues to yourself or else you will end up ruining your life at your work place.

7 worst things to say on a first date..

basically there are things you will say on a first date and ruin any possible chance of a life with that guy you have fallen for so be are some of those lines..

1. Avoid talking about X(s) — his, yours, simply avoid the subject altogether. You don’t want him thinking about his ex-girlfriends when he is with you, and you certainly don’t need to bring up any of your exes for him to compare himself to. You can talk about this when you get to know him a little better, buy your first date is not it. It is much too serious a topic on a first date.

2. Leave religion alone for now. This is a very important topic that must be discussed later if you are going to get serious with this man. This is one of those things that can really lead to some major debating and arguing. You might ask about it in a general way, but don’t prolong the conversation, especially if both of you have different religious backgrounds. Save that debate for another night.
3.  Politics, like religion, can be a serious subject that is best left alone on the first date, especially if you have radically differing views. When you get to know each other more it becomes easier for you to understand each other’s point of view.
4. Do not tell him about your crazy relatives on your first date. If you have some family members that are a bit less than reputable, you might not want to mention them. He probably does not need to know that your family has a history of mental instability or that your relative so and so is in prison for assaulting a twelve year old girl.

5. Avoid talking about any criminal past you might have. Maybe you assaulted your ex, but if you tell him that on the first date, he probably won’t call you again. Don’t lie about it, but don’t bring it up, either. Save that for the third or fourth date.

6. Avoid talking about any future plans that involve him. It is your first date with him. You don’t want to sound desperate or get ahead of yourself. Don’t talk about settling down, finding that perfect house, or having children with him or any guy at this time.

7. Finally, do not discuss things you know he/she is not at all interested in. They probably does not care about the latest book club pick is, so don’t bore them with details about it. Try to stick to subjects that the two of you have in common.

April fools madness…

Defence Attorney: Will you please state your age?
Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old.
Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down  beside me.
Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
Little Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?
Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
Little Old Lady: No, I didn’t stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Lady: He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven’t felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so ‘spicy’ that I just laid down and told him ‘Take   me, young man. Take me now!’
Defense Attorney: Did he take you?
Little Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, ‘ April Fool!’ And that’s when I shot him, the little  bastard

8 things women should avoid saying to men

1. You’re just like your father.
This is just a no-no; it’s nasty and belittling, and it gets at his fear that he may be exhibiting the worst traits of his family. If you’re about to spout a criticism like this, stop and think about what’s behind it: Maybe your father-in-law is the kind of guy who never cleans up after himself, and your husband’s habit of leaving dirty dishes around the house is getting to you. According to Ford, you should skip the insult and get right to a reasonable request, such as: “Hon, when you’re done with your sandwich, can you bring your dish over to the sink?” That way, you can achieve your goals without hurting him in the process

2. “When are you going to find a new job?”
First, figure out why you want him to find a new job so badly. Do you dislike how much time he spends away from home? Do you think he can or should be further ahead career-wise? Is he not bringing home a healthy-enough salary? “Before you say anything that could be hurtful to him, think about what your own issues are,” says Ford. Be particularly careful that you’re not attacking his ability to support you and the kids: “Part of how a man evaluates himself is by how well he can take care of his family,” says Ford, so insulting him in this sensitive area can be a serious blow. To avoid this, have regular talks about both of your jobs, career ambitions and budget concerns. If you have an issue with how much money he’s making, “it’s an opportunity to talk about your lifestyle and how you want to live,” she adds. The aim is to avoid putting him on the defensive, and instead work together to create the life you both want.

3. My mother warned me you’d do this!
Something must have seriously infuriated you, because what you’re doing here is letting him know that there are others in your “camp. You are trying to validate your ‘side’ of an argument, as though you’re marshaling an army to your side. But that’s never a good idea because it’s telling him that you’re not on his side, or on the side of your relationship. Though you should never let the opinions of others’ dictate your relationship, if there is some kernel of truth to a concern that your mother raised, think about how to address that. “Maybe your mother said ‘he’s too cheap. “Say to him, ‘why do you sometimes seem reluctant to spend money on things we need?’” Without ganging up on him, that could open up a discussion about money worries that stem from his childhood. And if you’re just lashing out? Hold your tongue and focus on the root of what’s making you mad. In the end, coming to a solution together will make you feel better than unleashing hurtful words.

 4. Just leave it––I’ll do it myself!
This is hurtful in two ways. First, it gets at your husband’s elemental need to be a provider, supporter and capable person in the house. Second, it’s just plain demeaning for any adult to hear that his efforts are sub-par. Do this too often and your husband might think, “I can never do anything right or anything that’ll please her,” says Ford. A better choice is to pick your battles. If he’s in the middle of a task and you think that he’s doing it wrong, evaluate whether it really matters, keeping in mind that, just because he’s doing something differently than you would doesn’t mean that he’s doing it wrong—he is, after all, an adult too. Sure, if he’s about to hurt himself or someone else or break something, kindly step in. But if he’s just loading the dishwasher in a way that drives you nuts? Let it be.

5. You always… [fill in the blank]” or “You never… [Fill in the blank]
“These are two phrases I advise couples never to use,” says Ford, “because they set up an instant, negative tone; they halt communication and they put the other person on the defensive.” These blanket statements can make your husband feel unfairly attacked, and chances are he’ll just fire back with all the times he did help. If there are legitimate problems you’d like to address (he really does tend to leave his tools all over the garage floor or often forgets to put gas in the car after driving it), avoid generalizing and try to focus on the issue at hand while also communicating how his actions make you feel: “When you come home with an empty tank of gas, I feel like you don’t care about the next person who has to drive the car—which is usually me.” Then add the phrase “would you be willing…,” suggests Ford. Try: “Would you be willing to fill up the car when it gets below a quarter tank?” Most men are willing to do most anything that’ll make you happy––it’s all in how you ask.

6. Do you really think those pants are flattering?
Are you trying to hint that he’s putting on weight? Because saying the above, says Ford, is not getting anything concrete across. You may think that you’re subtly conveying the message, but instead you’re insulting his looks without showing any genuine concern for his health. Instead, start with something you like about how he looks: “When you wear that blue shirt, it really makes me appreciate your gorgeous blue eyes.” Then broach the topic of his weight gain by framing the comment so it’s about his health, not looks: “Honey, what do you think about us both starting after-dinner walks?” When you’ve softened up your approach, you have more room to make other, helpful suggestions.

7. Ugh, we’re hanging out with him again?
There’s nothing wrong with your guy having a friend whose company you don’t love—no one says spouses are required to adore each other’s friends, especially that one college pal who likes to pretend he and your hubby never left the frat house. What is wrong is insulting your man’s choice of friends. Your disdain may also suggest that you’d prefer to pick his friends for him—and no one wants to be told who they should be pals with. A better choice: “oh, honey, you know I don’t always enjoy doing the same things as you and George, so why don’t you plan a guys’ night instead?’” suggests Ford. Remember, there’s no marriage rule that says you two have to do everything together; he might actually be relieved to have a little guy time with his pal that doesn’t involve him having to worry if you’re having fun or are offended by his friend’s jokes. (And keep this in mind: If a friend is really awful, your husband is much more likely to see that on his own, over time, whereas if you nag him to drop the dolt it may never happen.)

8. Please watch the kids. But don’t do this, take them here or forget that…
This is a classic nervous-new-mom move: When you’re in anxiety mode, it can be hard to let go of childcare tasks (even though you would love to have more help). It’s also an attitude that can become a habit no matter how long you’ve been a mom, leading to some very unhealthy feelings: You may become resentful because he doesn’t pitch in, but you don’t always give him room to, either. At the end of the day, no husband is going to be inspired to be a better, more hands-on and involved dad if his every effort is shot down, if he always feels like he’s wrong, he’ll only start to disconnect emotionally.” So let Dad be Dad. Trust that he knows as well as you do how to keep a child clean, safe and fed—even if his definitions of those tasks are slightly different than your own. That said if there are things he needs to know, like how to use the stroller or what the pediatrician’s phone number is, definitely give him the rundown.


easy ways to resolve relationship problems..

Time to time we find couples having trouble dealing with their issues. Some end up breaking up since they don’t know how to resolve the issues after a big fight… some pointers to help you when faced with such a problem are:

1. Seeking counseling

Sometimes you just have to believe that getting advice from a third party is the right thing to do. Talk about the issues you are having, what you don’t like about your partner and such stuff. Also you can visit the counselor separately to talk about things personally disturbing you. It’s the counselor’s job to give you ways to heal your relationship.

2. Notice the good

When faced with problems the most obvious reaction is always to view your partner in a negative way. This does not help but actually worsens things between you two. Take time to put the anger aside and just notice the good things about your partner. May it be the chickish laugh you like, the way he/she dresses…etc. such things will be actually a motivator for you guys to solve the issues you have.

3. Listen

We all know that most time women are always correct but at times they are also wrong. So, the best action to take is to listen and pay attention to what your partner is telling you. Maybe he or she is trying to correct you of something they have noticed has been happening. hearing your partner’s point of view will turn out to be a great thing as it will bring understanding which will make you understand where he is driving at.

4. Talk about the situation

Rather than giving each other the cold treatment, find time to speak to each other about the issues bothering you, how it affects you and how you can solve it. Remember where you are isn’t just your effort but both of yours so don’t use the term “I” only; Use “WE”. This will help you learn that both of you are now one not two.

5. Do something you enjoy together

Take this initiative as the guy or lady for that matter and just plan a get-away activity for you and your partner. Make it as a surprise if you can because that will even sweeten the moment. Go and do something you both like and try and forget all the problems you have with each other. It will help alot to remind your partner how it feels to do something you both like.

This few tips can save your relationship and i advice you to use them where possible.


things to avoid saying to your bosses….

in our day to day life, we encounter cases where an employee has been sucked because of saying things to their bosses that din’t sound good to the…when you are fired you will actually not be able to complain to any one so the only option is to watch what you tell them…here are some things you should NEVER tell your boss::
1. I need a raise.
Never enter salary negotiations talking about what you need — because of rising costs or a new expense, for instance. Your employer doesn’t care about your financial problems. However, management probably does want to reward success and keep high-performing employees satisfied. A raise request should always be supported by evidence of what you’ve achieved for the company — along with information about what people with your responsibilities typically earn.

2. That just isn’t possible.
Always speak to your boss in terms of what can be done. For instance, rather than saying “We can’t get this done by Friday,” say “We could definitely get this done by Monday, or if we brought in some freelance help, we could meet the Friday deadline.” When you talk to your boss, think in terms of solving problems for her, not in terms of putting problems on her plate.

3. I can’t stand working with ____.
Complaining about a coworker’s personality usually reflects more poorly on you than on the coworker. Don’t make these kinds of conflicts your boss’s problem. Of course, management is interested in problems that jeopardize the company’s ability to function. If you have to speak to HR about a problem such as a colleague’s threatening, illegal or unethical behavior, keep your tone professional and the focus on work — not personal issues.

4. I partied too hard last night — I’m so hung over!
Buck up and get through the day with some ibuprofen, extra under eye concealer and coffee. But don’t share the sordid details of your night on the town with your boss. Even if you have a friendly relationship, he’s just as likely to react with (unspoken) disdain as sympathy. Maintaining a solid veneer of professionalism will pay off when it’s time to discuss promotions.

5. But I emailed you about that last week.
Alerting your boss to a problem via email doesn’t absolve you of all responsibility for it. Bosses hate the “out of my box, out of my mind” attitude. Keep tabs on all critical issues you know about — and keep checking in until you hear a firm “You don’t need to worry about that anymore.”

6. it’s not my fault.
Are you a whiny 8-year-old or a take-charge professional? Assume responsibility and take steps to fix a problem that you did, in fact, create. And if you are being wrongly blamed for a problem, saying “Let’s get to the bottom of this” or “What can we do to make it right?” is much more effective than saying “It’s not my fault.”

7. I don’t know.
If your boss asks you a question you can’t answer, the correct response is not “I don’t know.” It’s “I’ll find out right away.”

8. But we’ve always done it this way.
You may find yourself with a new boss who wants to try new things — and the best way to present yourself as a workplace relic is to meet change with a “we do it this way because this is the way we do it” attitude. When a brainstorming session takes place, be part of it and stay open to new ideas. If you have concerns about a new idea’s feasibility, say “I think for this to work, we will have to…” Don’t kill new ideas with negativity.

9. Let me set you up with…
Avoid the urge to play matchmaker for your single boss. The potential risk far outweighs any potential benefit. In modern workplaces, hierarchical structures are often less rigid, and bosses will often end up in semi social situations with their direct reports. Smart workers will draw the line at “oversharing” — definitely something to keep in mind if you’re connecting to your company’s managers on social networks like Facebook.

things women do that drive men….craizyyyyyyy!!!

We all know that a man and woman must at one time have a life together. Its called nature…as a man is sharing his moments with his wife, you will never find him not complaining of some small issues his wife does. Women are known to have some characteristics that don’t seem to mature from a known place.. For men, all they have to do so that to leave peacefully in the house is to just bearing with this characteristics.. Here are some of them:

1: Probing men’s inner thoughts
You’re snuggled up on the sofa, enjoying a rare moment of peace and quiet. And then comes THAT question – ‘What are you thinking?’ You’re only trying to foster the atmosphere of intimacy and perhaps hoping for some proof that you’re the centre of his thoughts. But his mind may have already wandered to yesterday’s football scores and he’ll have to lie to keep you happy. Compliments are lovely, but if you wait until he chooses to dish them out, they’ll be that much sweeter.

2: Talking too much
It’s official – us girls love to chat. In the ladies’ loo, at the gym, at the pub – we have something to say most of the time. But while no one likes an awkward silence, it’s worth remembering your man is not your sound board, like your best friend might be. He doesn’t care quite as much about Julie in reception’s b00b job, or the fact that you’ve been searching high and low for spring’s must-have colour block skinny jeans. Stick to subjects that will interest you both and ask lots of questions – especially when you’re getting to know each other.

3: Nagging
‘Have you paid the gas bill yet?… Are you EVER going to fix that shelf?’ Women have a habit of going on in such a way that the more they nag, the lower the chance their man will ever do whatever it is they’re being asked. The solution? Do it yourself! Failing that, ask sweetly and sparingly, and lavish him with gratitude when it eventually gets done.

4: Obsessing about weight
Women are bombarded with images of perfect beauty, so it’s no wonder fretting about our appearance is an hourly past-time. But even though it might not seem like it, men just aren’t as interested in our bingo wings as we are. If you radiate self-confidence, no one’s going to notice those extra three pounds you put on recently.

5: Pinching other people’s chips
No one’s going to judge a girl if she orders her own plate of chips, or a dessert for that matter. But if you virtuously stick to a salad and then proceed to demolish the tasty stuff from the plate opposite, it’ll raise a few eyebrows. Go on – order the chocolate pudding if you want it. And don’t worry if you don’t want to share!

6: Gossiping
According to scientific types, a good gossiping session is a way of bonding and triggers the release of endorphins, those hormones that make us feel happy. This is all well and good, but when it descends into a bitching fest it can be a turn-off. And if the focus of the gossip is someone the man knows too, it can be very awkward next time he sees them.

7: Taking forever to get ready
Even if the end result is a vision of beauty, it takes a very forgiving man to shrug off a three-hour wait. Men understand women want to look their best, but are perfect nails and expertly smoothed dresses really necessary for a visit to your local curry house? Being ready quickly will show how laid back you are, and give you both more time to have fun.

8: Shop till YOU drop
If a man is lucky enough to share his life with a girl, chances are he has to share it with a massive shoe collection as well. Dragging him around the sales for hours, splurging obscene amounts of cash and then taking up valuable storage space with your spoils can drive him up the wall. While retail therapy can soothe many a crisis, perhaps leave your partner at home next time!

9: Wearing too much make-up
We’re all for making an effort, but caking on too much slap risks bringing out your inner drag queen rather than your secret sex kitten. False eyelashes, fake tan and hair extensions all have their place, but a girl can look fab without resorting to these tricks. Far much better to enhance your natural beauty instead of hiding it, and remind him how gorgeous you really are.

10: Over-analysing everything
Let’s face it, men really aren’t that complicated. So if a guy says, ‘I’m a bit busy right now. Can I ring you later?’ chances are, work’s really quite hectic. One kiss in his texts instead of the usual two doesn’t mean he’s gone off you, and a surprise cup of tea doesn’t mean he’s feeling guilty. So give men the benefit of the doubt, take things at face value and you’ll save yourself a heap of stress.

operation mulika embu town..

today i bring you a small article on the “mulika county edition” and the town on the spotlight is a peaceful town in Eastern province Called Embu or E-town as by the natives.

embu monument

We have been doing some intense work in Embu which we finished yesterday.Embu is a queer town. There is a hotel called Morning Glory where a chapatti costs 120/=.But that is a story for another day.

Well after completing the work which brought us here, we decided to sample the nightlife here. We just wanted to have a small drink and shake a bit of leg. We went into a pub in town called ‘Innocent”. The young girls in that pub did not strike me as innocent.

Again let’s leave that one aside. Two of our colleagues went to visit the gents. There is a narrow corridor which leads you to the gents. On their way back,4 guys appeared from nowhere and tried to block their with the intention of robbing them. They had to crash their way out. That’s “innocent” pub for you.

After this incident, we decided that this place being not as innocent as it appears, we should go elsewhere. Our next destination was ‘KENOL’.This is a very cool place, they play those oldie Lingala music of Franco,Madillu and such like. The place was not very packed, this being a week day.

kenol tavern

No sooner had we took out table, than a bootilicoius and very beautiful lady appeared from nowhere. Like an ambush of some kind. She said hi to us and we though she was the manager or something like that but she told us she was just a client like us. We asked her if she could join us and she said we give her time to excuse herself from her friends and also pick her beer. After about 5 minutes, she came back and joined us.She told us she works with Unicef.She knew a lot about politics and looked very learned. She told us she is RAO supporter number and that Luos are good fookers. My tree almost stand.She told us her sister is married in Ugenya.

After sometime, she told us they were with the wife of OCPD Meru who had quarreled with the husband and was available. We asked her to tell her to join us too.It turned out that the OCPD wife was such an ugly mutherfooker but we allowed her to join us all the same, no harm.At some point,I asked her if we could dance..oohh my God!,she did me those bendover stuff mpaka my tree stand(wanjohi,2011).We took turns in dancing with her and our trees standing.

One of our collegues started to seduce the OCPD wife,but not serious.He was more interested in the booty gal.OCPD wife started calling him sweety!.I am glad that ugly thing did not call me sweety.I cant be called sweety by supu and lovemat then I get called sweety with such ugly things.Later in the night,we decided to go to another pub in town,we wanted a more noisy place.I don’t remember the name.

We tried to dump OCPD wife but she was sticking like a tick.We said no harm,let the goat come with us.In the new place down town,OCPD wife decided to order for chicken and chips without consulting anybody.One of my collegues who was now a bit stoned started seeing a lot of beauty in this woman and paid for the chips and her beer.After sometime, the fellow told her she looks like Beyonce and that he wanted to climb her. The other booty gal was now sitting alone in a corner with our colleague who had showed interest in her. The third colleague was trying to hook another young gal. As for me I had vowed never to ever climb another gal apart from Nyasembo, my very bootilicious and beautiful wife.

As night went by,all my three collegues had a gal,One was with Beyonce,One with booty gal and the other with some young gal.Dr.Jakenya was the only one hanging alone. But I was able to sample booty through bendover dance.

At around 3.30pm,it was time to go sleep. We called two taxis to take us to our hotel rooms because there were seven of us now.I looked odd, each guy had a chick and Dr.Jakenya was just there alone.

Well we reached the hotel and everyone went their way to sleep.
The next morning, the guy with the booty gal had lost 15K,the last thing he remembers was the girl sitting on a chair next to the bed,he didn’t even climb her and she was nowhere to be seen. The guy with OCPD wife(Beyonce) had lost a Blackberry and Ideos phone and 5k,she was gone,we found him sleep deep in sleep with mouth open, the ugly goat was nowhere.

The one with the young gal was lucky and was even able to have morning glory. He even called a taxi to drop her in town.Dr. Jakenya,the fool, was fresh fresh with his 50k and all his belongings intact.Dr.Jakenya(Phd,OGW) will always stick to his principles whatever the circumstances, even if tree stand, he will forever remain true to Nyasembo.


theory of what is loved and what is used….

While a man was polishing his new car,
his 4 yr old son picked up a stone
and scratched lines on the side of the car.

In anger, the man took the child’s hand
and hit it many times not realizing
he was using a wrench.

At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers
due to multiple fractures.

When the child saw his father…..
with painful eyes he asked, ‘Dad when will my fingers grow back?’
The man was so hurt and speechless;
he went back to his car and kicked it a lot of times.

Devastated by his own actions……
sitting in front of that car he looked at the scratches;
the child had written ‘LOVE YOU DAD’.
The next day that man committed suicide. . .

Our lesson:
Anger and Love have no limits;
choose the latter to have a beautiful, lovely
life & remember this:
Things are to be used and people are to be loved.
The problem in today’s world is
that people are used while things are loved.


easiest way for a man to be accepted by his father-in-law

A man went 2 meet his father in law to be and was chewing gum. The father in law to be now told him in a harsh voice ‘young man ur coming 2 seek 4 my daughter’s hand in marriage and ur chewing gum? Dats a sign of disrespect:

young Man-: sir I only chew gum when I smoke or drink
The Old man: u mean u smoke and drink and ur here 2 seek 4my daughter’s hand in marriage?
young man : sir I only drink and smoke when I go 2 club!
old man: u mean u clubs?
young man: Am sorry sir I started clubbing wen I came out of prison.
old man: u mean u went to prison b4?
young man: Sorry sir I went 2jail when I killed somebody’.
old man : u mean u’v killed somebody b4?????
young man: Sir it happened out of Anger, it was d man I wanted 2 marry his daughter and he refused so I killed him
old man: Ur highly welcome my son, u r on d right track, ur the best and d right man 4 my daughter

……to the old man’s surprise, the young man had never gone to jail and it was just a tactic to survive the interrogation…..

9 common types of girlfriends

The world we live in has many different types of people… are some of the various types of girlfriends men have experienced on way or another.
 1. Miss. Nice Babe

“Tickets to the boxing match? Oh, darling, you shouldn’t have!”  Smiley
Also known as: What a gal, Precious, one of the boys, My Main Squeeze, Doormat
Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly
Disadvantages: May wise up someday

2. Old Yeller

“You spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of a naughty woman! Can’t you see you’re making me miserable??” Shocked Lips sealed
Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from Hell
Advantages: Pays attention to you
Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans

3.  Sickly

“Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite.”  Grin
Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, Grumpy
Advantages: Predictable   Disadvantages: Contagious

4. The Boss

“Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don’t give me that look.”  Wink
Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain, Yes Mom
Advantages: Often right
Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?

5. Miss. Vaguely Dissatisfied

“I just can’t decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, and hair color?”  Angry
Also known as: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw C’mon Honey
Advantages: Easily soothed
Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed

6. Wild Woman out of Control

“I’ve got an idea. Lets get drunk an’ make love on the front lawn. I done it before.
Also known as: Fast Girl, Freewheeler, Goodtime Charleena, Passed Out  Cheesy Cheesy hell yeahhh
Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys
Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs

7. Huffy

“I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at.”  Embarrassed my worst nightmare Lips sealed
Also known as: No Fun, Humorless Prig, Cold fish, Chilly Proposition, Iceberg, Snarly
Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you
Disadvantages: You will have no friends

8.  Woman from Mars

“I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship.”  Undecided
Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic
Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable
Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud

9.  Miss. Dream girl 

“I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I think we must make love like crazed weasels now!”
Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous
Advantages: Funny, intelligent, uninhibited
Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you.  Tongue Tongue


Recently I watched this new movie called MACHINE GUN PREACHER and I got interested into finding out the ongoing terror in Uganda. The movie is based on a true story of the LORD’S RESISTANCE ARMY (LRA) reader JOSEPH kony and SAM CHILDERS a rights fighter from NORTH DAKOTA. Sam was a former gang biker before getting saved and coming for a piece mission to Africa in 1998. He found himself involved in a fight between Joseph Kony and The government. With time his wife and him formed Angels of East Africa Children’s orphanage whose main objective was to save the African children from been abducted to be soldiers.



He had a good relationship with his siblings, but if they crossed him he came down hard on them.When confronted, he often resorted to his fists rather than parrying verbally. He was teased in school about his size and the teachers gave him a hard time for his low grades. His father was a lay catechist of the Catholic Church and his mother was an Anglican. Kony was an altar boy for several years, but he stopped attending church at about the age of 15.As a teenager, Kony apprenticed as the village witch doctor under his older brother, Jamie Brow, and when his older brother died, he took over full responsibility. A high-school dropout, Kony first came to prominence in January 1986. His group was one of many premillennialist groups that sprang up in Acholiland in the wake of the wildly popular Holy Spirit Movement of Alice Auma (aka Lakwena). However, the conflict in the north began with the resentment among the Acholi at their relative loss of influence after the overthrow of Acholi President Tito Okello by Yoweri Museveni and his National Resistance Army (NRA) during the Ugandan Bush War, ending in 1986.


Soon afterwards after been able to suppress Museveni’s army in some regions, the LRA started its own war crimes. This made Kony’s status to change from the most loved person to the most feared by the Ugandan people…

He abducted over 66000 children to build up his army and killed villagers to acquire their resources and men for women to be his wives.





She was a former child soldier forced to fight for Kony. At 28 years old, she is a spokesperson for human rights and Amnesty International, a co-author of the book Girl Soldier, she has appeared on Oprah, and created her own scholarship program for Ugandan girls rehabilitating from the trauma of child warfare.



In an interview she said “I was captured in October 9, 1996 by the LRA. I was 15 years old. I remember I was at my high school, St Mary’s College. It was only my first year there. They abducted 139 girls. I remember them marching us into the bush. They took us deep into the bush in northern Uganda, and we lived there for one month. Later we were divided into two groups of 15. The first group, my group, was taken to Sudan. We trained to build and dismantle a gun and then trained to fight. I was with the LRA for seven months. Every memory is bad. The killing was so bad. We were forced to beat people. We were forced to become wives of the rebel men. I was given to a man older then my father.”

She explained her escape “After seven months, the Sudan Liberation Army who were fighting against their government for the people, joined forces with the Ugandan government. They knew where the LRA was. They attacked the camp we were in. At once people started running. I ran away and spent three days in the bush by myself, people from southern Sudan found me and I made way back to Uganda.”

She was just one of the few that have managed to escape Joseph Kony’s wrath.



The ICC has commanded Uganda to find all ways possible to capture Kony since 2006. Many governments and HUMAN RIGHTS NGO(s) are fighting a war to save the African child from been forced to fight a war that is not theirs.

To understand this story more check the internet and Wikipedia and also watch the movie: MACHINE GUN PREACHER for an overview of the story.

click this website to join a campaign  to support Kony’s capture

the kony 2012 part 2 documentary is out..

sympathy kibao to this unlucky waiter….

There were three men living together in London. An African American, a West Indian and a Nigerian. They were all starving because they didn’t have money to buy food. However upon coming close to a
posh London restaurant in this classy neighborhood, they decided to come up with a plan. The African American went in first. After being seated, he ordered a three course meal with white wine. When he had
finished the meal, the waiter came by with the bill. “LISTEN MY MAN, I ALREADY PAID YOU!” – The African American shouted! The waiter was very confused because he could not remember being paid. But because he did not want to cause any trouble… he let the brother leave. Five minutes later, the West Indian walked into the same restaurant and ordered a five course meal with red wine. When he was finished eating, the waiter came by to collect the money for the food. “HEY, HEY, LOOK AT ME CROSSES. BUT AH PAID YOU ALREADY!” – The West Indian shouted. This time the manager came and had to calm down the West Indian, because he did not want anything to upset the other customers. He let the guy go. Ten minutes later, the Nigerian walked in. He sat down. Lit up a cigarette, and ordered the most expensive meal on the menu, plus two bottles of Guinness. After he had finished, the waiter came to collect the money for the meal, but before the Nigerian could say anything, the waiter spoke to him. “Sir…I have been having all sorts of problems all day and I can’t understand it. Two other people like you came in earlier and ate, and they say that they paid me but I don’t remember getting any money
from them so….” Before he could finish, the Nigerian interrupted, rather emphatically, “OGA I SORRY FOR YOU OOOO. BUT DAT NA MY PROBLEM. I JUST WANT YOU TO GIVE ME MY CHANGE!!”



Our journey began at Genesis through Exodus. On the way, we saw Leviticus recording the Numbers of people at Deuteronomy, while Joshua was waiting at the beautiful gate for Judges to see Ruth calling loudly “Samuel, Samuel”. At a stage, the first and second Kings of Chronicles were coming to visit Ezra,
Nehemiah and Esther for the misfortune of Job, their brother. Then they noticed that Mr. Psalms was teaching his children Proverbs concerning Ecclesiastes and Songs of Solomon. This coincided with the
period that Isaiah and Jeremiah were engaged in Lamentation for Ezekiel and Daniel their friend. By that
time, Amos and Obadiah were not around. Three days later, Hosea, Joel and Jonah travelled in the same ship with Micah and Nahum to Jerusalem. More also, Habakkuk visited Zephaniah who introduced him to
Haggai a friend of Zechariah whose cousin is Malachi. Immediately after the old tradition,  Matthew, Mark, Luke and John got involved in Acts with the Romans who were behaving like the Corinthians, who were also always at loggerhead with the Galatians. At that time too, the Ephesians realizing that the Philippians were close to the Colossians, suggested to the Thessalonians that they should first of all see Timothy who had gone to the house of Titus to teach Philemon his younger brother how to read and write
Hebrew. On hearing, James asked Peter to explain to him how the three Johns have disclosed to Jude the Revelation of their Lord Jesus Christ……That covers all books of the Bible.

ONYO!!internet coupling NEVA ends well…

Charmer: Hello Sweet Girl
Sweetgal: Hi Lover Boy!
Charmer: Can I know you more please?
Sweetgal: 17, female, sweet lips, bootylicious and Delicious, in Thika and you?                                                                                                   Charmer: Mmmmmh, I am in love already. I’m 52, male, 6 pack, big Chest,Thika.
Sweetgal: You’re 52? OMG! Serious ?? Same age as my dad.
Charmer: I’m just so into fresh young beautiful girls.
Sweetgal: Do you have a wife?
Charmer: Yes, but not as sexy as you, I have a daughter, she is in her bedroom with her friend doing homework.                                                                                                                                                       Sweetgal: Then why do you like young girls?
Charmer: I love them because they are beautiful not to mention sexy and with fresh bosoms and booty
Sweetgal: I am also into older men with iPhones, ipads, cash and driving expensive cars.
Charmer: I can offer all of that and even more.                                                                                                                                                                   Sweetgal: I think we should meet because you are in Thika and I am also here.
Charmer: That would be nice, where do I pick you up tomorrow with my new G- guard sexy girl?
Sweetgal: Tomorrow I am going to school it won’t be possible.
Charmer: Or maybe over the weekend, going to school is very important.
Sweetgal: While still chatting let me continue with my homework I don’t want my dad to know that i have an ideos, he will be mad at me.
Charmer: Which homework is that? maybe I can assist you.
Sweetgal: It’s a Biology assignment and my friend Lucy is assisting me
Charmer: Hey, your friend’s name is Lucy?
Sweetgal: Yes.
Charmer: Exactly where in Thika are you?
Sweetgal: Makongeni and you?
Charmer: Mercy!!! is that you???
Sweetgal: OH MY GOD!!!!!Dad, is that you?

hehehehe be careful where you try to stick your “belongings”!!!

pure insanity:couples get married naked on valentines day

Last week on Tuesday the world got to experience one of the most unique weddings one could ever get a chance of viewing….a resort club in Jamaica called HEDONISM RESORT offered a fully paid wedding and honeymoon for couples on application. The only catch was that they had to get married NAKED!!!

The 10 couples had been selected from a stack of 100 applications asking a myriad of questions, including why they wanted to start their life together in the nude. The wedding ceremony was the first nude wedding event at the Jamaican resort since 2003.

I’m wondering if such things can happen in Kenya. As for me i wouldn’t mind getting an all-expense paid wedding……..

watch an insight as the couples are taking their vows and the cake cutting ceremony….


kati ya dame na beer… nani mkale???

A Beer is always wet, a woman is not!
1 point for beer!

Beer is horrible, when it is hot!
1 point for women!

A cold beer satisfies you!
1 point for beer!

For a beer, you pay taxes!
1 point for women!

If you take a second beer, the first one doesn’t get angry!
1 point for beer!

You can always be sure that, you are the first person  Opening a beer!
1 point for beer!

If you shake a beer, after a while it calms down by itself!
1 point for beer!

You know exactly how much a beer costs!
1 point for beer!

A beer does not have a mother!
1 point for beer!

Beer won’t ask you to hug it for half an hour after having it!
1 point for beer!

So the Score is.
Beer beats women-8 to 2!

If you are a woman reading this and getting angry, Know that a beer would
never get angry
Another point for beer!


“the thank you gift….”

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.
The first said, “I built a big house for our mother.”
The second said, “I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.”
The third smiled and said, “I’ve got you, both beat. You know how Mom enjoys the Bible, and you know she can’t see very well. I sent her a brown parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took 20 monks in a monastery 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000.00 a year for 10 years, but it was worth it. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it.”

Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks to her sons.

” Kibunja ,” she wrote the first son, “The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house.”

“Marvin,” she wrote to another, “I am too old to travel. I stay home all the time, so I never use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!”

“Dearest baba,” she wrote to her third son, “You were the only son to have the good sense to know what your mother likes. That chicken was delicious!”

bokono attribute to Robert alai……huyo sio mwizi

i don know if you are familiar with the name Robert alai…well if you are not, he is a top blogger in the country and describes himself as tech blogger in twitter…well he is known for insulting pipo and for this very reason he was beaten inhumanly by some g4s after his awful beating, the bonoko fans produced a song for him…..


“Huyo sio mwizi, anatukananga watu kwa twitter, sasa ari kutiriwa na ware ma G4S…sasa akona hatawagojea…akatoka bio…sasa..ndio wakamuwekerea fibo, sasa kuekerewa fibo – ndio aka piga duru…
sasa kupiga duru waweka video yake online.

Hata juzi wariekera mwenzetu pare Virrage, aka futwa kazi.
Huyo sio mwizi mbaka watu wa iHub wanamujua.
Hata wewe unaweza wekerewa fibo utoe duru, na hiyo ukipigwa dio unawekerewa fibo and unajua hiyo huwezi jitoa.
Na nikupigwa bure na sio kuiba umeiba…nikutukana watu wa iHub umetukana. Na watu wa iHub warikuwa wamejaa hapo wote…na wanamujua!
Unajua mbaka wewe ujizuie, kwa sababu ukieda jera utateseka bure…huko hukuri – ni KUKURIWA. ”


he has been banned from IHUb and i most def hope he has learned his lesson…

No valentine for this Nigerian brother..

Babe: baby do u still luv me like before?
Guy: yes luv! My luv for u will never change.
Babe: dats my babyyyyy
Babe: I want u to buy me somtin.
Guy: just name it
Babe: its just one BB porsche
Guy: no problem.just find out d price and let me knw
Babe:its 480,000 naira
Guy: is it manual or authomatic? is it still in a good shape, as in, d engine. Have u checked d fuel consumption too?
Babe: honey, it’s not a car o. its a phone.
Guy: : phone?!
Guy: dat means it will have a fridge, generator set, plasma and a wardrobe, abi?
Babe: are u buyin it or not?
Guy: pls am not o! I cnt!:O
Babe: Helloooooo!
Guy: Hiiiiiiiii !igwe come see this woman oooooo!!!
Babe: dnt even border again. I’ll call alhaji to get it for me dis evenin.
Guy: Better still, call Atiku he will be faster
Babe::am goin to delete u
Guy: is ur fone hanging? Cos I have deleted u since u mentioned porsche.
Guy: Idiot! How much is bride price even in igbo land sef…


happy valentines ya’ll and guys make sure you don’t end up like this guy…..

alphabet of x_girlfriends

is for Arteries.
You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn’t care for you; you twit she was only after your money and could have given a shit about you.
is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they get fat and old together and then DIE!!
is for Call you later. She won’t. She never has before.
is for Dumped. Does D need to be explained?
Is for Eating like a pig. Remember when you took her out and she said “I’m not hungry” so you figured you could take her to a nice place because you were able to afford a nice meal at this fine restaurant. Then she ate more than you’re Uncle Roy (you remember Uncle Roy the one with the mustard stains on everything). So you flip the bill and are broke for the next two weeks and she wonders why you were unable to call her that week and go see movies.
is for Friends. That is what she just wants to be. As if you can even stand to look at her.
is for Gun. And yes there is a waiting period.
is for Horny. Remember when she looked nice and even had a personality? Well, you figure it out.
stand for I still hate her. Odds are I always will, unless she calls me and offers me favors.
stands for Jim. This is her new boyfriend. Doesn’t Jim have a nice car? Doesn’t Jim have a good job? Why does Jim want to date her? I think Jim could do much better. I hate Jim. Jim is my mortal enemy.
stands for Kill.
is for Love. It’s a great euphoric feeling that exists between two people and is shared upon by both parties.
is also for Lunatic. Lunatics are crazy. Lunatics are the last people that actually believe in love.
stands for Mephistophiles. That is who she worked for.
stands for Necrophilia. She didn’t move very much, did she?
is for on top. When on top she has another O word.
is for Pill. She said she was on it. She lied. She is now sueing you for a few hundred bucks a month.
is for Quitter. She couldn’t last.
is for Rich little Bitch. She bought my love but I paid for it.
stands for Suffer. That’s what she made me do.
is for torture. Torture is what she did. She tortured you with the truth. She also tortured you with lies.
is for Understatement. Saying you hate that bitch is an understatement.
is for Voluptuous. That is the primary reason you were dating her in the first place.
stands for Whine. She was a pro at this.
is for Xylophone. Because X is always for xylophone.
stands for You suck! Remember when she yelled that at you.
stands for ZIPPER. This is what you got your hair stuck in while trying to get dressed too quickly while she yelled “QUICK! They’re home!”


a simple case of mistaken assumption

A man feared his wife wasn’t hearing as well as she used to and he
thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach
her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could
perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

Here’s what you do,” said the Doctor, “stand about 40 feet away from
her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you.
If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.”

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in
the den. He says to himself, “I’m about 40 feet away, let’s see what
happens.” Then in a normal tone he asks, ‘Honey, what’s for dinner?”

No response..

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife
and repeats, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his
wife and asks, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away.. “Honey, what’s
for dinner?”

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her… “Honey, what’s for dinner?”
“Ralph, for THE FIFTH time, CHICKEN!”


Dear Maina Kageni,
You’re full of sh!t! I DON’T understand how a man whose heterosexual relationships can be counted on one hand can claim to be the number one authority on HETEROSEXUAL relationships!! Yes, I went there!! Your show these days, just like the Dandora dumpsite is piling up with sh!t. Stinking up the whole freaking industry, cause every lazy FVCK wants to be like ‘You’.

Your show is all about pushing stereotypes! Every freaking day! Don’t you ever get tired?? Does this make you sleep better at night … oh wait … is that why you drink like alcohol is going out of bizness?

This is a typical week on Classic 105’s Breakfast show. Monday, a lady calls and says her husband doesn’t like ‘styles’ in bed. Maina asks the men why they don’t like styles in bed. Tuesday, one guy during ‘Jana’s’ show says, he can only have styles with his mistress. Maina asks ladies what they feel about it. Wednesday’s discussion is from something that was said on Tuesday. Thursday’s discussion feeds off something that was said on Wednesday. Friday’s discussion feeds off something that was said on Thursday. My friend … SEE how fvkked up Maina and Ndambuki are?? And someone has the balls to call them revolutionary?? Yes, THEY WERE FUNNY!! But no more.

Yes, it’s the MOST popular show in the country. It has a fanatical following especially in the Nairobi region, every freaking matatu is on Classic 105. It’s not like they have good music either. Their music is as interesting as a cold Baker’s Inn sandwich. But I have to ask, who is shady? Maina or his listeners? Is Maina just a smart guy feeding off a shallow society? Or is it Maina who is feeding society with his shallowness??

I asked his boss last year why they continue to have that ass wipe content in the morning. His boss was like … well the THAT IS WHAT THE LISTENERS WANT?! I asked him what would happen if they at least TRIED to offer their listeners ‘Good radio shows’ he had no answer!

What fvkking irritates me is when folks say, ‘Oh, si people love that’ without even attempting to TRY and offer quality products! That’s being LAZY!!! Here’s a scenario, when I was like 13, we had this lady who used to come to my mother’s house to clean ish. She used to bring along her small boy. One day, I offered the kid a sausage and the mother shouted ‘Hakuragi hizo’ … well I forced the sausage on the boy and he LOVED IT! See, Classic is NOT trying; Radio Africa is where creativity DIES!!! They’d rather stick on their comfort zone, when they see the numbers wanning, they START dishing out loooads of cash so that their fools can stick around. How do you explain TWO shows on one station that sound the freaking same?!

Oh BTW … 90% of calls on Maina’s show are ‘Outbound’. It means he calls folks, not from texts; he has identified IDIOTS who can ‘fan’ a discussion. Guys like ‘Wakanai and Charlie’

ps. this is a letter encountered from research and the public should have a say of their views!!!

i saw this n thought u shuld see it too.

even professors are not as clever as they think

After having failed his exam in “Logistics and Organization”, a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.
Student: “Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?”
Professor: “Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!”
Student: “Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an “A” for the exam. ”
Professor: “Okay, it’s a deal. So what is the question?”
Student: “What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?”
Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an “A”, as agreed.
Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.
He immediately answers: “Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife’s lover an “A”, although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical.”

want to know she is cheating???read this..

have u ever wondered why you have been trying to get your chic to do some stuff and she doesn’t then all over a sudden she starts doing them????well here is the answer:

1. Scent of another man
Scent is a very important sign of cheating girlfriend, but if she suddenly starts wearing a new fragrance, the alarm bells need not sound off. She might be simply trying to spice things up in your relationship. Going off the deep end too soon could damage your love life — permanently. However, if you smell another man’s cologne on her clothes, hands or neck, then she may be planting her lips where she shouldn’t. Watch out.

2. She doesn’t criticize you anymore
There was a time when she cared about what you did or said, in fact, she used to hound you about those types of things. Now, it seems that she couldn’t care less if you were dead or alive and concern about your habits, good and bad, have retreated to the recesses of her mind. She might have simply given up on trying converting you or she finally accepted your faults, but she could have just as easily met someone else who does not have your faults and bad qualities.

3. You caught her in a lie
Catching her in a flat-out lie is a key sign that she is cheating on you or doing something wicked. When you discover that the person you’re supposed to trust has been lying to you, your feelings will surely run the gamut — from anger to rage, and from frustration to sadness. But keep this in mind: if men are stuck with the “once a liar, always a liar” lyric, the same stigma can be applied to women.

4. Your sex life is nonexistent
In the past, the two of you went at it like wild animals in heat, but now she gives you the cold shoulder when you try to initiate sexual relations and intimacy is nonexistent. Either she has lost interest in you, which is not good, or she is getting her kicks elsewhere, which is really not good. It’s time for a talk if the two of you are still intimate but find that she lacks any desire for you.

5. She has a new wardrobe
She has an entirely new wardrobe, her lingerie has taken a cue from Victoria’s Secret and her hair looks great. She could be cheating on you, but here is a warning to the paranoid: if she started a new job, for example, she is probably not cheating. If she is doing this all for you, wake up and please her, as she is not cheating on you… at least not yet…

6. She’s getting in shape
She hits the gym, eats healthier and she has her eyes set on becoming fit in a short time span. Again, she might be looking to improve her health and lifestyle or she might be doing the extra laps for you. But if she gets home from the gym, showers and runs out (without telling you where she’s off to), then something is up.

7. She works longer hours
A surprising number of women have admitted that if they were to cheat, it would likely be with a colleague. So unless she was just promoted, has a project to close or she’s in the midst of a busy season, her work hours should remain more or less stable. If she suddenly starts working 60 hours a week instead of 40, she might just be “logging” in those 20 extra hours on someone else’s pay sheet. You should take note, as it might be time for you to punch out.

8. She likes her new colleague
Your girlfriend might be cheating if she was, at one time, constantly talking about her new male colleague, pal or friend and suddenly stopped. This guy, who at first seemed to be the center of the universe, suddenly disappeared from the radar. Actually, he only disappeared from your radar, as he has become the number one bogey on hers. If you see your girlfriend showing any form of affection toward another man, alarm bells should start ringing. The only instances that you shouldn’t suspect her of cheating are if this man is a relative or an old friend. Could this reverence for the new star employee be the reason she no longer invites you to the office parties?

9. You’re cut off from her family
Her family is now exactly that: her family. One reason for the extra barrier might be to facilitate the eventual separation caused by her cheating or she needs her family to cover up for her. Perhaps the “in-laws” are in the dark as much as you, and would not condone her actions. Whatever her motives, you have discovered that you actually miss the family gatherings that you once dreaded.

10. She has become defensive and paranoid
She thinks that you are out to get her when you are genuinely clueless about her cheating ways. She stutters and worries excessively when you ask her innocent questions. She answers some phone calls and reacts awkwardly, while she completely avoids other calls. Her sudden fear and paranoia have you worried about her health, until you realize that her health regimen has been getting an extra dose of protein.
Maybe she’s just the cheating kind…

Questions chics will always try to trap you with

When chics want to be sure that their guys luv them they will always try to corner one with questions…for you to survive, you will need to be careful how u answer some of these questions…
Question 1: What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is: ‘I’m sorry if I’ve been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you.’ I know to most guys its false but don’t answer like the following:
How fat you are.

Question 2: Do you love me?
The proper response is: ‘YES!’ or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, ‘Yes, dear.’ Inappropriate responses include:
I suppose so.
Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
That depends on what you mean by love.
Does it matter?
Who, me?

Question 3: Do I look fat? 

The correct answer is an emphatic: ‘Of course not!’…..incorrect answers are:
Compared to what?
I wouldn’t call you fat, but you’re not exactly thin.
A little extra weight looks good on you.
I’ve seen fatter.
Could you repeat the question? 

Question 4: Do you think she’s prettier than me?

The proper response is: ‘Of course not!’…. Incorrect responses include:
Yes, but you have a better personality
Not prettier, but definitely thinner
Not as pretty as you, when you were her age
Define ‘pretty’


Question 5: What would you do if I died?
A definite no-win question. (The real answer, or course, is ‘Buy a Corvette.’)
No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:
She….Would you get married again?
He…..Definitely not!
She….Why not – don’t you like being married?


mkikuyu na biashara…..wacha 2!!!!

Njoroge buys a cow from Ole Bogani for Sh 20,000 and asks him to deliver it the next day.

The next day Ole Bogani shows up at Njoroge’s
doorstep. ” Sorry Njoroge but the cow died last night.”

“OK”, says Njoroge, ” Give me my money back”. ”
Sorry, I have already spent it,” said Ole Bongani.

“Goodness gracious!.. iha ngombe?, bring me the dead cow,” says Njoroge.
“I’ll know what to do”.

The next morning, the carcass is delivered to
Njoroge. A fortnight later, Ole Bongani bumps into Njoroge
and asks him what he did with the dead cow.

“Oh, I entered a raffle for it to be won, and sold 150 tickets at Sh 500 each and
made a profit of Sh 75,000  I just didn’t tell anybody
that the cow was dead”.

“But didn’t people complain?” asks Ole Bongani in amazement.

“Only the guy who won, so I gave him his Sh 500 back”.

correct answers to stupid questions!!

Have u experienced some1 asking you directly answerable questions and you wonder how to answer them???……well try this:
1. Some1 calls u at 2 a.m in the night and ask u “are u sleeping?”
Ans: no,I’m picking beans..
2. When its raining and som1 notices u going out yet they ask; are u going out in this rain??
Ans: no in the next one
3. You’re making out with your girlfriend then u start pulling her pants den she asks; what are u trying to  do??
Ans: i want to wash them 4 u
4 They see u coming out of the bathroom, wet; did u just have a bath?
Ans: no, i fell into the toilet bowl
5. You standing right in front of the elevator on the ground floor going 2ur office,yet they ask; going up??
Ans: no, i’m waiting for my office to come down and get me!
6. Your boyfriend comes home with a bunch of flowers and u still ask him; are those flowers?
Ans: no baby, they’re carrots!
7. You’re in the toilet and u locked the door,som1 knocks on the door asking; is any1 there?                                                                                                               Ans: No! shit lock the door…mstcheew!!

8. You’re in the queue at the inema to buy tickets, a friend sees u and asks; what are you doing here?                                                                                              Ans:  i’m here to pay my school fees!

9. When people see you lying down with your eyes closed, they still ask; are you sleeping??
Ans: No! I’m practicing to die!!

10 kissing tips for the wary gents..

Most men wonder how they will be able to kiss this chic for the first time that they have been admiring for such a long time….true its something to worry about because the first kiss for a lady is always the relationship driver…here are some tips for you:

1. Explore her body
when you’re ready to really turn up the heat, kiss her on her neck and move your lips slowly up to her earlobes and give a light nibble. Don’t be surprised when she starts breathing heavily.

2. Spice it up
once initial contact has been made; spice it up a bit with some variety. Move from short, soft kisses into longer, deeper ones, then back again… and don’t use your tongue any more than she does. Change the angle by moving your head to the other side, and alternate between sucking on her lower and upper lip. Be sure to stop to breathe after every few kisses. These little moves will let her know that you know exactly what you’re doing.

3. Use your hands
Women love to be caressed, especially while they’re being kissed. Starting above her ear, run your fingers through her hair, down to her neck and all the way down her back. Then slowly slide your hand back up again. Use both hands, and alternate between using your whole hand and just the tips of your fingers to give her an experience she won’t soon forget.

4. Ip her down
If the mood is right, add some sensuality and chivalry to your first kiss by gently dipping her down, ballroom-style. There’s no better way to make her feel like she’s with a powerful and confident man. Do it right, and she’ll never forget the moment.

5. Show some passion
every woman longs to be ravished, so why not make her fantasy come true? As you’re kissing her, reach back behind her and pull her head back by gently grabbing the hair right above her neck. Slowly kiss your way down her neck and give her a playful bite, then pull back slightly and breathe heavily on her neck and in her ear. Make sure your pants are securely fastened, because at this point she’ll be trying her hardest to take them off!

Most guys just don’t realize how important that first kiss is to woman. Well, this should give you an idea: When you kiss a woman for the first time, she decides right then and there if she ever wants to kiss you again. Use these 10 tips to be sure you always leave her begging for more.

6. Ease into it
still feeling a little nervous about going in for the kill? Ease into it by leaning in and smelling her neck. Take a big sniff and say, “Mmmhh… you smell good.” Then slowly brush your nose and cheek along hers as you pull your head back to make eye contact with her. When your eyes lock, close them and go for it.

7. Be a tease
News flash: There’s nothing that women love more than to be teased, so let her know who’s in control by driving her crazy with your lips. Go in like you’re going to kiss her, then at the very last second, pull away and flash her a mischievous grin. Use this sparingly to keep her turned on and on her toes.

8. Feel her out
When you feel the moment is right, reach over and touch her hair while you’re talking and make a comment about it. Say, “Your hair looks so soft,” and lightly touch the tips of it. If she smiles, reach back over and start stroking it again, but this time shift your glance between her lips and her eyes a couple of times. If she lets you keep touching her hair, you know that she’s ready to be kissed.

9. Know when to pull out
There’s no better way to let her know that you’re a catch than by being the first to call it quits. Most guys go for the gold on the first kiss… and they rarely end up getting it. By being the one to slow down, you’ll show her that you’re in control… and most importantly, you’ll leave her dying for more.

10. Do it in private
Privacy is key. A big mistake that too many guys make is going for a kiss in the wrong situation. Women want that first kiss to be special, and they’d prefer to share the moment with you and you alone. So if you’re out somewhere social and you feel like the time is right, take her to a back room or, even better, to a completely different, more personal location.


6 reasons why ‘morning glory’ is good for a better day.

Some may think about it as addiction but for me i call it ujanja wa siku njema…..siku njema huonekana asubuhi!!!

1. Fresh your mornings – be loved
What better way to start your morning than to be kissed by your beloved! Making love in the mornings is the most rejuvenating way to begin your day. It leaves both of you lively and full of energy. Experts confirm to this, when they say that your energy levels in the morning soar twice as high when you have been loved, than normal.

2. Let there be love in the air
Psychologists point to the fact that when you begin your day with making love to your partner, the “lovely” feeling and the bliss shared, remains with each one throughout the day, providing reassurance and a secured feeling of “just being there”.
This helps each one to deal with the problems better and face challenges. Research proves, that somewhere in the sub conscious mind, a feeling of “oneness” does exist when it has been sparked off early morning.

3. Health benefits
The Queen’s University of Belfast in a research discovered that morning sex decreased the risk of heart attack or stroke by half and improved blood circulation, thus reducing blood pressure. Another study claimed that morning sex helps alleviating migraine and reducing arthritic pain and inflammation. All the more you are at a reduced risk of developing diabetes as each session burns around 300 calories.

4. Get that facial glow and lustrous hair
Love your partner, the first thing in the morning, and whoa! get that “killer glow” for both of you! Sex in the morning is proved to be a great inner cosmetic!  It will make your face glow and your hair shine and that’s because there is an increase in the production of estrogen and other essential hormones.

5. An alert mind
Yes, you tend to be mentally active and alert, after a great lovemaking session with your partner early in the morning. This is because after the night slumber that lasts for almost eight hours, a rejuvenating active session alerts your brainy nerves and keeps them “on-their-toes”!

6. Smile at work
Getting busy in bed, the first thing in the morning, will set your feel-good hormones pumping and you will enter your office with a smile on your face, making it much easier for you to put up with whatever hassles your day brings.


Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.

Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.

Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.

Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten? ___ How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.

Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”

Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.

Q: Voodoo?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              A: We do.

Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?                                                                                                                                                                                                     A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

Q: So the date of conception of your baby was August 8th?
A: Yes.

Q: And what were you doing at that time?
A: I was delivering her…

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.

Q: How many were boys?
A: None.

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Q: Was this a male, or a female?
A: Does your wife have a beard??

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?                                                                             A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?                                                                                                                                                          A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?                                                                                                                                                                                                         A:  No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

two drunk Scottish twins

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

“Why of course”, comes the reply.

The first man then asks: “Where are you from?”

“I’m from Scotland”, replies the second man.

The first man responds: “You don’t say, I’m from Scotland too! Let’s have another round to Scotland.”

“Of Course”, replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks: “Where in Scotland are you from?” “Aberdeen”, comes the reply.

“I can’t believe it”, says the first man. “I’m from Aberdeen too!

Let’s have another drink to Aberdeen.”

“Of course”, replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: “What school did you go to?”

“Saint Andrews”, replies the second man. “I graduated in ’82.”

“This is unbelievable!”, the first man says. “I went to Saint Andrews and graduated in ’82, too!”

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. “What’s been going on?”, he asks the bartender.

“Nothing much,” replies the bartender. “The McGregor twins are drunk again.”

old-age madness!!

An 80 year old man went for his annual check up and the doctor said, “Friend,
for your age you’re in the best shape I’ve seen.”

The old feller replied, “Yep. It comes from clean living. I know I live a good,
clean, spiritual life.”

The doctor asked, “What makes you say that?”

The old man replied, “If I didn’t live a good, clean life the Lord wouldn’t turn the
bathroom light on for me every time I get up in the middle of the night.”

The doc was concerned. “You mean when you get up in the night to go to the
bathroom, the Lord Himself turns on the light for you?” “Yep,” the old man said,
“Whenever I get up to go to the bathroom, the Lord turns the light on for me.”

Well, the doctor didn’t say anything else, but when the old man’s wife came in
for her check up, he felt he had to let her know what her husband said. “I just
want you to know,” the doctor said. “Your husband’s in fine physical shape but
I’m worried about his mental condition. He told me that every night when he
gets up to go to the bathroom, the Lord turns the light on for him.”

“Aha!” she exclaimed. “He’s the one who’s been pissin’ in the refrigerator!”


I was asleep. The jogoo shouted three times, I opened one eye and left the other to sleep abit. I was wishing I had slept with my uniforms putted on, but I realised if wishes were chickens beggars would been layin eggs. I woke up with only one eye open n and I was looking where the karai was put I wash my face. I found some cotton which I used to burn the jiko and cook a chai without milk called sturungi. I drank the sturungi haphazardy and hurriendily with a big piece of kiugali which had remained at night. I put on my uniforms and then I painted myself with fat and because there was no kiwi I had to paint my shoes with fat to.

I took a paperbag put books and biros then ran my everything, I beated the first corner hardly then as I was beatin the second corner I heard the school bell cry ncgririr nkngrirriririri nckgrrrirrrrr!!! I knew nimelate. When I reached the gate!! You dont want to know!! Mr Mogaka was standin at the gate with a big black nyahunyo. I was so afraid that I almost urinated. I was asked why are you late? I said makaa was poured with water at night teacher asked what has that to do with you coming to school late I told him the jiko was late to burn so it delayed cookin strong tea he said that is no excuse!!

Touch your toes!! I started to remove my shoes so I can touch the toes but he told me I just meant bend, he gave me the first nyahunyo on my buttocks,,hehe it was as hot as a boiling water, I dried that one, he gave me the second one pap!! This one was much hotter n started hearing to cry, when the third one was given to me I heard so much pain that I touched my buttocks, the teacher said you have erased that one!! I will have to give you another one!! When I was given the fourth nyahunyo, tears started getting out of my eyes uncontoullably,, the teacher said,

You removing tears for who!! I dont want to see even a smell of tear, ran to class and dont late tomorrow. My buttocks as I went to class were hearing as if sitting in a burning jiko.. I dried the tears because my classmate would laugh at me for crying.

When I entered class I walked slowly to my desk and when I tried to sit it was so pain I could not seet. So I seeted on air above my chair holding my desk. From that day I sweya I will never come to school late again even if the makaa was poured on water!!!.


Examiners comments:

This school should be turned into a tourist attraction. This is a classic case of a comedian in the making. I will refer this student to the African Centre for Talented Individuals next to K1. No marks can be awarded as this will negate the whole idea of nurturing county talent.

Things neva to say to a Dj in a club..

since kenya is becoming a raving country day by day, you shud know some things you shud neva tell a Dj thats if you want your night at a club to end well:

1. “Punguza sauti!”… as intoxicated as you are, you should try as hard as possible not to say this to the Dj, because you probably not okay. You should have stayed home with your sterio palito.

2. “Play me that song that goes like…” You should realise that Djaying is a professional like any other, and therefore there is something called planning. Most DJs have a playlist that they follow after they practiced, to ensure they hype their fans. Requesting a song, especially one that is on its way really pisses them off. Just go there when it’s request time. You make it worse by saying “I’m the one who told him to blend it with that song!”.

3. “We’re never coming back here if you don’t play our track.”. Honestly, the DJ doesn’t care. wether you come or not, he/she will still get paid.

4. “How much do they pay you for this?”…noboby asked you how much you earn, so please just mind your own business.

5. “You suck!”… If you realy have to say this, watch out for the bouncers. If they are near and you still go ahead and say it… that’s just plain stupid.

So if you are one of the guys who say this please for your sake just stop……

…….a concerned raver

Ugandan women want to be granted a law to divorce their husbands with big dicks

The right of citizens to contribute to laws of a country are getting weird and misused day by day……..:

The demand by Uganda women to have a clause in the Domestic Relations Bill that allows them to divorce men with bigger organs is something interesting because it confuses one on what exactly women want. This bill has got a lot of controversial stuff in it but let me concentrate on this issue for now to see if it makes sense to people out there.
We are afraid we look at this issue in different ways but either way, we think when people decide to get married, these are some of the things they should be ready to put up with. It will be a travesty to marriage if people start divorcing each other because either of their sexual organs has ballooned for some reason. It can only make sense if the divorce is asked when the relationship is at its early stages because there it can be argued that the person did not know exactly what they were getting themselves into, but not when the relationship has been there for a long time. People should learn to appreciate certain things about each other outside the bedroom, and I believe it is what has kept our grandfathers in marriage for ages.

under-age girls forced into prostitution

People have nowadays been corrupted by greed for money that they are now forcing little girls supposed to be in class 8 into been commercial sex workers…. Such a case was discovered in Nigeria::

Men of the Nigeria Police Force, Lagos State Command, have rescued a 13-year old girl in a hotel room where she was forced to sleep with different men daily and thereafter paid N150,000 as monthly returns to her employer, identified as Rosemary Udoh.

Rosemary, 33, and the hotel manager, Fatai Ahmed, 46, have been…
arrested and charged to Ikeja magistrates’ court sitting in Ojokoro for abducting and forcing the little girl into prostitution.

The victim confessed to the police that she slept with at least 10 men daily in order to raise the N150,000 for her employer and payment for the hotel accommodation.

“She said that men paid her N500 for a round of sex and the hotel collects all the money, deducts some for the hotel room and keeps the rest for her madam who usually comes in the morning to collect it”.

She was rescued after spending six months in the hotel at Otta where her madam, who lives at No.16 Aderupoko street,  Ahmadiya, on the outskirts of Lagos, took her for prostitution.

It was gathered that Rosemary had gone to her home town in Akwa Ibom State and brought the girl to Lagos under the false pretence of sending her to school. She had told the girl’s parents that she wanted to help them train the girl and send her to school in Lagos.

But not quite long after she brought her to Lagos, Rosemary started preparing her for prostitution. She reportedly bought her sexy wears and body cream before taking her to the hotel and handing her over to Ahmed, the manager.

While she was in the hotel, the ‘small’ girl was not allowed to have contact with any of her relations.

Luck ran out on them when police raided the hotel and discovered that she was under aged. The girl told the police what happened.

Consequently, Rosemary and the manager were arrested and charged to court for abducting and forcing an under aged girl into prostitution. At the court, they pleaded not guilty.

The presiding magistrate, Mr. K. O. Ogundare granted them bail in the sum of N100,000 with two responsible sureties in like sum. The matter was adjourned for further hearing.

such cases have been reported all over the world and you as a citizen who values children should always be vigilant to ensure such cases don’t occur on your watch…

the art of making a baby..

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, ‘Well, I’m off now. The man should be here soon.’

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. ‘Good morning, Ma’am’, he said, ‘I’ve come to…’

‘Oh, no need to explain,’ Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, ‘I’ve been expecting you.’

‘Have you really?’ said the photographer. ‘Well, that’s good. Did you know babies are my specialty?’

‘Well that’s what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat !.

After a moment she asked, blushing, ‘Well, where do we start?’

‘Leave everything to me.. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.’

‘Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn’t work out for Harry and me!’

‘Well, Ma’am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I’m sure you’ll be pleased with the results.’

‘My, that’s a lot!’, gasped Mrs. Smith.

‘Ma’am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I’d love to be In and out in five minutes, but I’m sure you’d be disappointed with that.’
‘Don’t I know it,’ said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. ‘This was done on the top of a bus,’ he said.

‘Oh, my God!’ Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

‘And these twins turned out exceptionally well – when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with..’

‘She was difficult?’ asked Mrs. Smith.

‘Yes, I’m afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look’

‘Four and five deep?’ said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

‘Yes’, the photographer replied. ‘And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling – I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.’

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. ‘Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh…equipment?’

‘It’s true, Ma’am, yes.. Well, if you’re ready, I’ll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away..’


‘Oh yes, Ma’am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It’s much too big to be held in the hand very long.’

Mrs. Smith fainted


Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings. As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home.

Later that night, their mother couldn’t sleep, so she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea. On her way, she tiptoed by her oldest daughter’s bedroom and heard her screaming.

The mother thought to herself, “That’s normal, especially on her wedding night.”

She snuck by her second oldest daughter’s room and heard her laughing. “That’s normal too,” she said, smiling to herself.

Finally, she slipped by her youngest daughter’s room where she didn’t hear a peep, but she thought nothing of it.

The next morning in the kitchen, after the husbands had gone out, the woman asked her eldest daughter about last night’s noises.

“Well Mom,” she replied, “you always said if it hurt I should scream.”

“You’re absolutely right sweetheart,” the mother assured her, turning to her middle daughter.

“Now why were you laughing?” she asked.

“You always said if it tickled, I could laugh,” she answered.

“True enough, honey.” The mother smiled, remembering her newlywed days.

“Now it’s your turn, baby,” she said turning to her youngest daughter. “Why was it so quiet in your room last night?”

“Mom, don’t you remember? You always told me never to talk with my mouth full.”

The mother was left with nothing to say…..


A man went 2 his pastor, knelt  down and began confesing tearfully: Pastor, I have sinned.
Pastor: My son, what did you do,just confess what exactly you did?God Almighty will forgive you

Man: (sobbing), Pastor I committed adultery with several of the female church members.
Pastor : can you mention their  names and how many times you  slept with each of them? You see, for your forgiveness to be complete, you need to mention them, so that we can also pray for them.
Man…: Aaaah Pastor I can’t, I am ashamed.

 Pastor: Okay this is what we will do; after service, we will go to the church entrance together and watch members come out, once anyone you have slept with comes out, just say ‘pau‘. If it is once you slept with her. The Number of times you say ‘pau‘ will indicate the Number of times you  slept with that particular person.
And so they went to the church  entrance.:

>>Head usher passes wriggling her buttocks.
 Man: Pau. Pau
Pastor: The Lord forgive you.
>> Deacon’s wife passes carrying bible.
 Man: Pau
 Pastor : May the Lord forgive you.
>> A choir member passes singing.
 Man: Pau pau  pau
Pastor: God will forgive you. Yes, he will.
>>finally behold…Pastor’s wife passes
Man: (goes off like a machine gun.)
: Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau
Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau
Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau
Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau
Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau
Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau
Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau
Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau
Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau
Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau
Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau
Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau……..

Pastor: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeee…wollollllloooo me oooooooooooooooooo !!!
May God punish your father!!!!!!!
God will never forgive you.!!!

dad_son conversation

If you are a father that likes beating up his male child beware of the disgusting and horrific payback he has in plan for you::
Dad: hey junior, I know I beat you a lot, but it’s
because you are normally very naughty, Do you
ever feel bad when I beat you cos I don’t
normally see it in your actions afterwards.
Son: dad I feel bad all of the time
Dad: sorry boy, But don’t you feel like getting
back at me to make you feel better.
Son: I do dad, every time.
Dad: well talking about isn’t the way to go about
it is it?
Son: ahhh, Dad I’ve got my ways. All I do is go
and wash the toilet and I feel better immediately.
Dad: ha ha ha ha, And how does that make you
feel better son.
Son: I always use your toothbrush, and I put it
back immediately after, He he he he!!!





mad : phone rings ………….ring  …………ring………..ring
police: constable maleka panhand police station how can i help u?
mad : i want to report a case!
police : wat is the matter?
mad : officer somebody just killed nobody please hurry
police : who killed who?
mad : somebody killed nobody please hurry up
police : are you mad?
mad : yes i am mad
police  : hey idiot do u have brain?
mad : no , brain is in the bathroom taking a bath
police : hey you fool !!!!!
mad : no m not fool,fool is busy in the kitchen cooking
police : hey you fool…..

fool is reading this text……………

when you are feeling alone like no one cares,read this because its absolutely true.every night someone thinks of you before he/she go to bed,atleast 15 people in this world loves you and care about you including me.the only reason why someone would  hate is because they want to be like you. atleast there are 2 people that loves you in this world.

when you make the best mistake ever,something good comes all the way just know you mean a lot to someone,forget about someone who doesnt even know that you exist in this world.when you think the world has turned  against you just know there are 2 people that loves you and is me and GOD.

WARNING:excessive sex is harmful for your career

One of the reason why our African brothers has failed continuously to reach a top level in football in Europe is because of sex. Married Ghanaian player, Prince Kevin Boateng dumped his wife, who they had a kid together to go after a career WAG (woman who date rich footballers in exchange for her beauty, she has dated Christian Vieri, Alessandro Nuccitelli and Gianluca Vacchi.), it hasnt been a smooth ride for Boateng since then.

His game on the pitch has greatly declined and marred with one-too-many injuries, in a recent interview, his WAG girlfriend revealed why Kevin has been so poor when playing for AC Milian

The reason why he [Kevin-Prince Boateng] is always injured is because we have sex 7 to 10 times a week,” the 25-year-old said

“I hate foreplay, I want to get straight to the point,” she added. “My favourite position is on top so I can take control.”